The Naked Gun From the Files of Police Squad! (1988)

We should open with that. Boy, David, I'm happy to be here and excited. You're excited. This picture drags already. How did you shoot this? We were the first movie ever to run the music over these credits. And do you know how many stars there are there? Who cares? 17. Indicating, oh, this is the best part. We went going to Baruch to shoot this. Did you really shoot this in Baruch? We did. It was... This is actually a library in Glendale. That's the truth. And the camels happen to be there, so it's great. And the guns. Right. This is the only shot we could make because there were condos on either side. Could only shoot one way. That's Ray Burke from Milwaukee. Who played Papshmear. And these are the actual leaders of the free world? And many people don't realize that these are the actual world leaders. Well, not him. No, I think he was... That's Brock Peter's brother. Well, that is really Yasser Arafat. Well, this is when everybody thought Gorbachev was Hitler. That's right. Oh, this is all looped. Well, that guy was a bass player. That guy happened to have that birthmark. That's how you cast him? Yeah, he had the birthmark. It was going to save time. Did anybody ever notice it's in the shape of North Vietnam? No, no one commented. A wasted joke. Well, there was going to be a contest, you remember, like a geography thing. We never did it. I meant Gorbachev's real birthmark. It's actually in the shape of Vietnam. Do you remember our worries when we released the picture? We were concerned that the Ayatollah would kick off before the picture came out ruining this joke. Luckily, your emergency trip to Iran saved the day. Now, David, you directed this movie? Yes, the whole thing. David showed up every day. That's amazing. Part of every day. Now, this was a big surprise, wasn't it? Yeah. Now, is this the one where Leslie pulled out his back? I think he did. Well, you can see he already has a hump there. Yeah. How many of these stunts? He came up whining, as I remember. How many of these stunts did Leslie do himself? There were no stuntmen. He did all this. There he goes. He wiped that guy's forehead himself. Here's our homage to the Three Stooges. Not many people realize this movie's based on Shakespeare's The Tempest. Yeah. Which started the same way.

People can't read that. It says, I lost 23 pounds. Ask me how. If you can still frame the DVD, go back and look at that. For those of you with the cheap players, I guess you're out of luck. Now, did you get any hate mail on this from anybody? No. Nobody of any nationality was offended? No, I think most people were pleased. I'm Lieutenant Frank Drebin, police squad. And don't ever let me catch you guys in America. Now... Wasn't there a version of it where he strapped on some leaf blower flying rocket belt? Yeah, I think we shot it, too. Oh, my God. Luckily, that's on the floor somewhere. You mean he flew out of there? He flew out of there. And then that flew out of the movie. Now, what is this, David? What did we do? Did we reshoot that? I can't remember. What is this? You put a beacon on the wall? This is David's car. An electric car. This is actually a miniature, isn't it? On a cart? This is on a cart, and they were different sized lights and carts depending on where we were. Right. And the camera was strapped onto the back of this. This was an actual car wash. And who came up with this idea? If you like it, it was my idea. Oh, you know what? This is from M-Spot. O.J. Simpson was in this? He was. Where is he now? Is he still acting? This was a small cart that we took through these people's houses. And were they aware that you were going to take it through the house? They didn't even know we were shooting there. Whose house was that? Some guy we convinced to go on a trip. So you guys always just cut that permission process. It saved a lot of time. I got you. So this became the signature, one of the signatures of the... There I am right there. There goes David. And I still have that shirt. Very good acting. What would you tell film students watching this, David? Stay out of show business. And always include a shower scene. Yes. There's a totally naked girl, right? There is better stuff of this scene. I'm glad you recognize that, Peter. No, that was your sister. You put your sister in every movie, too, right? She is, but she's coming up. We'll get to her. This was before all this digital special effects and stuff. You had to really go on a roller coaster. We had to really go. Or someone did. They were... We weren't going on that thing. Yeah. We each wrote 30 pages. How long did it take to write... How long did it take to write the movie? Probably about the usual six months. Of course, donuts earn $1.99 a dozen, but... This is where it gets good. Everyone did a draft. There he is. That's the knit cap. And in fact, we got calls... for people looking for this cap. Yeah, and they wanted the clip or something? They wanted the clip. I don't know, something about a glove. I don't know. Now, this is actual footage of O.J. or the movie? I'm not sure anymore. This is the movie, but there he is. We spent a lot of time on the props, as you can tell. It's all here. This completes our first shipment of heroin, 100% pure. Yeah, it better be. All 40 kilos. Final shipment will be delivered in three days. Then we'll expect payment. Don't worry. Oh, now here's the famous Unfortunately, they had black pants behind a black door. So you couldn't see it. I remember David actually in dailies, which is where you look at the work that's been ruined from the day before. Right, right. David saw this thing. He could not see, you know, what was happening. And he said, is it too much to ask for to see the jokes? That's all I want. It's my baseline requirement. That was one of the famous ones. And then there was the cake. And then how loud you said. Yeah. Oh, so it's so dark in here. So who was he accusing? There's the reveal of Ricardo's very clever lighting trick that we did. And you actually didn't notice that till the premiere. No, I had no idea Bob Stevens handled the whole thing. See, wet paint. A lesser talent would have been tempted to cut to the sign. But you, secure in your art. Here's the old pie in the face. See, that's a classic gag. And of course, the ubiquitous bear trap, a signature of David's work. In every movie, there'll be a bear trap. Now, did O.J. do that whole thing himself? Absolutely. Or we cut the stuntman. I think the stuntman fell out of the... But everything else was O.J. Everything else was O.J. Amazing work. And the entire cast is on that plane. I think we're coming up on my dad here. Every family member's in this, right? Yes. Always. There he is with the camera there. Third from the left or second from the right. Many people mistake him for George Kennedy. And there is George Kennedy. How did you cast George? It was just a question of cash, really. No, actually, what we wanted to do was have, you know, credible actors that people had seen before and make this seem like it was a legitimate picture. I think, who played it in the TV shows? Alan North. He was actually a wonderful actor. Great actor, but... They wanted someone who had won an Oscar. And, uh... Is that true? No, but they wanted... Did George win an Oscar? He did, for, uh, Cool Hand Luke. But was George a big-time actor? After this, he had to give it back. Yeah. He made him return it. Nicest guy in the world. Frank, they're not here for you. Weird Al Yankovic is on the plane. And this marked the first naked gun that Weird Al was in. He was in every one after that. Exactly. Because he always delivered. Because Bob had done some videos with him. You knew him. Well, it was the matter of some photographs he had, and this was part of the resolution. Now, was Leslie your first choice for Drebin? Well, that's an interesting question. That's an interesting question. Can we cut that answer out? I'm not at liberty to say it. Actually, Leslie was in the television show that these movies are based on. I believe there may be a couple people who don't know that Naked Gun is based on the failed TV series Police Squad, of which six... Now, I love this joke. Is it safe to say I filmed that part? Did you go out and do that second unit? That was second unit. Bob directed that part. I couldn't convince you to do that. You know how long that was? 45-minute trip. I know. Bob did all the breast jokes. That's, well, but we did this as a TV show for ABC for four episodes in a row. We were on the air Thursday night, 8 o'clock. And then an unusual order for four episodes. We shot six. No, they ordered six and canceled after four. We canceled after four. But we had a loyal audience. We knew it was canceled after the first episode. We did. How did you know? I think they called us. Oh, they told you after one that it was done? They told us, yeah. Okay. It was all over. Well. Tony Thelmopoulos' famous saying was, police squad didn't work because you had to watch it. The television show was ahead of its time because you actually had to watch the TV. We didn't know a way around watching the TV. We thought everybody watched the TV. But they don't really watch. No. In fact, what you do is watch TV and do something else. You watch TV and watch the kids. Multitasking, yeah. It's multitasking. And what was it against, do you remember? Yes, it was opposite fame on NBC and Magnum PI on CBS, which was like putting us in an insincerator, you know, just whirling blades. But we did develop a loyal audience, and I think all three of them were in this room. But, you know, in those days, with all those three channels, you didn't have a shot. The choices. Yeah, with all those three choices. So naturally, we just got lost in the crush. Totally unfair. Well, do you remember? The network wanted to have a laugh track. They begged us to put a laugh track on it, and we didn't know where to put the laugh for a visual joke. So you fought them on it? We fought them on it. They called you after one episode? Yeah. Wait a minute. I guess we lost that one. Well, if we had agreed, the show might still be on. Had we agreed to that laugh track. It might have been a success. He was right, of course. Who would do such a thing? It's hard to tell. These kind of runs, these are proffed runs. David is referring to Pat Proff, known felon, talented writer. Needlessly cut down an ambush by some cowardly hoodlum. There's no way for a man to die. Yeah, you're right, Ed. A parachute not opening, that's a way to die. This is classic Drebin. Yeah, biting the nuts off a Laplander. That's the way I want to go. Cheering up the grieving wife. That's a snot. Now what did you use for the snot? It was actually snot. Bob had a cold at the time. So it was real snot. It happened to be convenient. They didn't have the technology. Leslie's kind of a method guy and insisted on it. Yeah, there's only three channels and no snot. Today, of course, there's digital mucosas. You don't have to. CGI. Exactly, whatever that means. But I think that's only common sense. She was very good. Good screamer. Wilma, can you think of any reason that Nordberg was at the waterfront last night? No. But I found this. Oh, this is called exposition. Oh, here's a clue. I can't believe we left any of this in the picture. So this is supposed to move the picture along so people know what the plot is. Yeah. We were toying with the idea of cutting the whole first reel, but there were people who complained. Well, that's what Jim said at the premiere. I'm actually at the preview. He said, cut two reels, I'm going fishing. Going to Alaska or something. And those previews are tough. It's the first time an audience sees it and all the theories are put to the test. Yeah, we used to preview these at the Sherman Oaks Galleria. And how many times do you preview a movie like this before you put it out? Actually, three or four times, sometimes five. We'd show it, hear what the audience had to say. and just get back at it, you know. The first previews are always... Separates the men from the boys. Oh, yeah. You know that theater in the Sherman Oaks Galleria, which is being torn down now? It's gone. It was earthquake damage. It was earthquake damage? Yeah. But the theater was up on the third floor, and there was just a rail. The suicide rail. Yeah, I used to call it the director's rail. Yeah, everyone would be lined up, vomiting.

I see there's a microphone on the lapel that was the biggest we could make it without calling attention to it. Well, there's a science to this. And if we ever figure out what that is, we'll really be successful. And now he's tapping it so people will know that there's a set-up to the joke. Right, he's literally held it up now. He's just held up the thing. Everything but a signpost. We should have just superimposed an arrow. Watch this. This is what we call Flucher dialogue. It really didn't matter what he said, it just... And that's important to future writers? It is. Fluker dialogue? Know your Fluker. How many pages of Fluker dialogue is in a good script? Most of it. That's right, we have the whole glossary of terms. I know. Well, we might talk about some of those. Terms, rules, well, nothing worked. And here comes the joke from the set-up. This actually happened to our rabbi. Was it based on that story or did it happen after the fact? He was with the mayor guarding the queen. Life imitating art. It was during a wedding. Yeah, it was during a wedding. Caught with his mic on. Now, was he in the bathroom, or was it like Sonny Corleone? What actually did you hear? I wasn't there, but I heard about it. My apologies to the rabbi. He's since left. He was singing the Jordan River song, and I think that somebody wanted $50,000 for that. I know, that's what it was. He was making the song up. Did we have to pay for that? I think we did. Someone owns Happy Birthday.

Well, had you been watching this in the theater, there would be riotous laughter. These huge blank spaces were filled with laughter. I know it must have lasted this long because we would have cut it. How long did you go with this or did you cut it down? Well, everything starts long. Originally it was probably longer. So it wasn't even longer than this? Yeah, longer and more painful. This is actually George Kennedy's... Did he actually do the driving? Unless he did the driving. And that somewhere was the harbor area. Please disperse. Please disperse. There's nothing for you to see here. Now, that's Chris Keen playing the cop who was in our Kentucky Fried Theater show in Madison, Wisconsin. And that was where all this started, the show you did at school. Jerry and Jim and I had a theater in Wisconsin called the Kentucky Fried Theater. And that was mostly Brecht stuff, right? Yeah, Brechtian alienation and... Some laughs. You're loyal to a lot of the old friends. You put them all in the movies. It's the least we can do. Yeah, everybody. And that's... He was in a lot of our stuff. That's Joe Carcioni, the green grocer. No, that's... Who is that guy? Come on. Let me look it up. I can't believe I can't remember. But he was also in 33 as the director of the video director. Oh, at the Oscars. Yeah, at the Oscars. I can't tell you that. Well, maybe this'll help. But this routine we did on stage. Yeah, you still don't think so? At the Kentucky Friday Theater. A lot of these things were tested on stage. We knew they worked. And in much the same fashion as the Marx Brothers, who took their scripts on the road, tested them, and then came back and shot them. Is that true or false? Well, you know, we've often been compared to the Marx Brothers. By whom? By people who didn't know about us. By my mother.

Vincent Ludwig presided over one of the largest corporations in the city. A respected businessman and civic leader, the mayor had chosen him to be the chairman of the Queens... That's actually David's home. Where is that? This is the Elks Club or something. It was the Elks Club. Didn't we use that for the Oscars, too? Uh, no. We used something else. We did use that, though, in three. We used the Shrine Auditorium, which, coincidentally, is where they hold the Oscars. No, but we also used this building. We used the stairway in the interior. For what people refer to as the untouchable sequence, which we know better to be Eisenstein's work we were ripping off. No, Dutch-Irish. My father was from Wales. Sit down. That's the kind of joke that didn't translate at all, did it? to other markets. So it did that joke translate internationally. Well, if it's a pun, it may not have... We actually made a conscious effort as we went along to do less puns and more visual, physical. For international distribution? International audience, which we discovered was out there. Yeah. Actually, I mean, Airplane had a lot of puns. And how do you know they didn't play overseas? Because we agree now. Villagers with torches. Long periods of silence. We would go do press overseas. And we'd watch the... subtitled or dubbed version, and it was like, wait a second, this is not playing the same. Well, it's actually where I got the idea to do Naked Gun, because we were previewing, where we were showing Ruthless People at the Deauville Film Festival, and got a good reaction, but some guy came up to me after the showing and said, that movie was nice, but when are you going to go back to doing the... The physical stuff. As I recall, I was desperate for work and tried to convince you for years to do this as a movie. And Leslie was calling saying, why don't we do a movie of Police Squad? And you thought it was a step backwards. No, Jerry thought it was a step backwards. You thought it was two steps backwards. You thought it was two steps backwards. And Jim didn't show up to the meeting. So everybody was on the same page. Jerry said, you don't want to go back to this. And I only say this about Jerry because when Jerry was going to do Ghosts, I said, Jerry, look, You know, it's a nice script, but no matter which way you slice it, you got a dead guy at the end. I believe your words were you're walking into an ambush. Yeah, you're walking into an ambush. So we... How many times after that? ...equally dissuaded us from doing our most successful project. Well, yeah, thereafter, anything David hated was immediately put into production. Did Peter call you on this? Oh, this is way before Peter. It was started after this. It was because of this. Did Leslie ever not want to do a bit because he thought it was too foolish or too dumb for him? No. He never turned down anything? He was game. He was totally game for everything. As you will see when he's hanging from a statue in short order. But Ricardo objected to one of the jokes. There was, what was the name of the hospital? Of the hospital called? Was Our Lady Who Never Had the Pickle. Yeah. And he did not like that? He didn't like it. He was a devout Catholic, and he said, please, for me, I haven't asked you anything, but please. So we changed the name. It's now just called The Hospital. Really? You did that for him? We did it for him. That's very sweet. He's a very nice guy, and he would have quit the movie. No, no. You joke, but... There was that possibility. There was that distinct possibility. When there's a huge pause after something I say, I kind of know. No. Didn't he have a bad back, too? Isn't he in pain? On painkillers because of his back? It was the script that put him on painkillers. He had a bad back that day, yes. So you see when he's walking, he's... Ah, Priscilla Presley. One of the sexiest women around. This was taken right from the Farewell My Lovely. Exactly. With the one with... And it was Robert Mitchum playing the Priscilla Presley part. And who could forget that? A lot of people don't know that. Yeah, it's the old off-camera sound effect joke. Rarely works, but it did this time. Now, why did you choose not to show her going down steps? Not as funny? It's funnier this way. It's funnier this way. You see, the audience does some of the work for us, you see. Understood. There must be a rule to cover that, but I can't remember. This is all the science. Yeah. And this is all, we just actually took shots that they used in Farewell, My Lovely. Without paying for them. And Mitchum actually, he actually narrated this. And here's the old walking into the wall gag, works every time. Of course, that was our edition. That did not happen in the end. Oh, that didn't happen, no. immediately to fall down the stairs to Charlotte Rampling. Now, this is the joke. When I read this joke in the original script, that's when I knew this movie was a hit. Nice Bieber. Just from this joke? Just from this joke. This was the most famous joke. And this was the most quoted joke? Nice Bieber. I want to tell you, when we first saw this play in theaters, when he... and he's this nice beaver. The air was sucked out of the theater. I mean, there were papers flying up the aisle. And they're laughing all the way into this. And then when she came down, yes, I just had stuff that was just riotous rolling. And we were ready to roll the credits after that. I used to have that problem. And all these spaces are for the laughs. Which they were at one point. Well, actually, we found that when we showed this in theaters rather than on video, in individual home. More reaction. It seemed to work. I'll go through this as fast as I can and get them back to you. Now, that bracelet joke, the anklet bracelet, we don't know why that worked, but it does. Yeah, nobody ever... We try not to question things at work. I wish there was some way I could repay it. We had known about Priscilla. I actually had watched her for years on Dallas. And I don't know if you had known about her before she... I had never seen her on Dallas until they gave me the... She was great. I was addicted to Dallas. Of course. Well, perhaps some other time. How about a rain check? Well, let's... But we saw a clip of her and she was great. She looked great. Terrific. And then... Did you do a read-through with her to make sure she could play comedy or play it straight? Well, we did. We did a read-through and she... I think she started to read it putting a little comic spin on it and she asked me how I wanted her to play it and I said, just don't try to do the comedy at all. Just play it straight. And she got it? And she got it immediately and... And she was smart enough to get what we were doing. And I never had to direct her, because she just, she always knew exactly what to do. But a lot of actors try and play the comedy. And that's trouble. That would be trouble. A lot of actors want to try and help you. And there's a certain tone that's... For this kind of stuff, you just have to let the lines do the work. That's why I want you to, well, to get to know Lieutenant Redman a little better. He's so wonderful. Was this before the Wrath of Khan, or did he get that job off of this? He got that job from this. George Lucas was looking for a guy who'd be... Or somebody. That wasn't Lucas. It was... It might have been Shatner. It was Fred Lucas. It was Paramount's TV department. It shows what I know. You're too busy directing. The thing about David is he loves film. David, don't worry your pretty little head about that stuff. It sounded like I knew what I was talking about. When Lucas did The Godfather, that was his favorite. He was that scene in The Godfather when the ship sank. Oh, forget about it. That was Leslie's famous, oh, my God. This was an airbag joke when airbags were new. We did this, oh, yeah, but the crashing in the garbage cans we used to do in the show. In the TV show. In the TV show, and depending on what number episode it was, that's how many cans he would crash into. So third episode. Oh, that's my sister. That is your sister. That's another Zucker. He's just shooting his own car. Yeah, of course. That stuff kind of worked, yeah. Kind of a ludicrous image, but that's what we're all about, actually. The police station, you see. Time was spent on these names. You'll see, that's coming up, I think. The hospital. Is that one of the Everly brothers? Wait a second. Did you ever get negative mail on any of this stuff? Any of the stunts? Just from the studio. And to this day, you still get the negative. Oh, we love the police scientists. This is Ed Williams, who was also on the TV show, who's a high school teacher in Northern California. This is true. I kid you not. And you cast him out? I don't know how we cast him originally. He came in in red? Paid us money. You've done it again. But he's again. Good work, Ted. What will you lap boys think of next? That was a little movie joke there. Yeah. To the casual observer, an ordinary shoe. I don't know if we did that one in the show. I think we did. Remember when he shot the bullet through the videocassettes? Or was that in... That was in the show, yeah. That was in the show. I think he watched. No, no, the thing where you have something on the big L who's out of the frame. I think the shoe was just for the movie. Swiss Army shoe. Yeah. This is one of my favorite lines where he says, Ted, why?

You wrote that over the course of a weekend, I believe. You wrote Ted Wye. It took a whole weekend. Came out with Ted Wye and we danced around you, I remember. Well, the Ted was on Saturday. Exactly. Who's the big guy? This is some guy. And I can't remember what he looked like. Do you pay them less when they don't see their face on screen? Absolutely. Now, that was somebody else. We did that in the TV show, didn't we? Yeah. But that was a different guy. Yeah, I think it was a different guy. But we never knew that. We actually never looked at his face, so we don't know if it was a different guy. Use your open eye, Frank. I love it. Use your open eye. Oh, yeah, I can see it now. At first glance, it would appear to be only the normal cotton fibers. When we focused in closer, we discovered a fine white powder. We tested it. Pure heroin. How well do you know Nordberg, Frank? Oh, there's a question. We're partners for nine years. My best friend. I know, Frank, but we can't allow personal feelings to get in the way of duty. Are you saying that Nordberg is a... I'm telling you that the queen arrives here the day after tomorrow. This is pretty good drama here. I'm riveted, babe. Already questions about Nordberg. This is tense. Peter's gone silent. Because I'm just, you know what, I got lost in the movie for a minute. Yeah, you took me into your world. It helps never having seen the picture before. We've only seen it 2,000 times. Now this, you see, is a callback expositional dramatic. Yeah. Oh, that's my mom. Well, you put her in a lot. She's in every movie. She's the banker in Ghost. Is that a casting process? No, it's a flat deal. She just signed on for every picture. Is there something wrong, Mr. Ludwig? Oh, no, no. It's nothing. Then may we get down to business. Did he like doing comedy? He loved it. All except for that Our Lady the Pickle thing. Well, you know, if that's the worst it got... But there is some concern on the part of those I represent that you would be able to... David thought of that gesture. That was the Austin Powers thing that they ripped you off for a year later. Exactly, most people thank you for recognizing that. And they got it only, they switched it to the pinky. Because their lawyer said, use the pinky, they can't sue you. Exactly. And Mike Myers thought no one would know. Now everybody knows. Very obvious. Yes. There is even a more Yeah, I had to direct in the dead ball era. Watch Mrs. Z at work. Dominique. Is that where you and your brother got your comedy chops from mom? Hey, that's a pretty good shot. Look at that. She's believable. That was an accident. He was just trying to find the focus. Yeah, it happened at work. Now, this was completely stolen from the movie Telephone. Oh, that's right, with Charles Bronson. Yeah, miles to go before we sleep. I think the Statue of Limitations is up on it. Can we talk about that now? Will that be with cream and sugar, sir? Mr. Popschmier? Mr. Popschmier. That's a joke, too. Was your mother, by the way, an actress before you put her in the movies? Yes. What had she been in? I think a bow tie for Millie. And she's been in a lot of regional theater in Wisconsin. That was always the catch-all. Now, this is exposition? Yeah. Well, you know, every so often we spend a little time on the story. It's only fair. Good secretaries are so hard to find these days. I think we tried to find a punchline for this scene, but it never really... To no avail. Yeah. Well, I think he fired the gun. I don't know if we left it in. Well, there's a... No, we took it out. We took it out. He had a comic take and it made us squirm. I bet this is... I forgot about that one. That's a good gag. Oh, Dr. Alfred, I have Mrs. Kepley's chart. Are you ready to go over it? That's Mallory Sandler, who also used to be in Kentucky Fine Theater. Yeah, and the doctor's a stuntman. Oh, the mother of 12. This guy's been a bad guy in a lot of movies, too. He has. Yeah, I think he was also in 33 and a Third. Was this his first picture? I think he came back, even though he... I think we killed him in this. Maybe... Uh-oh. Something's up with that guy, too. He was in one of the other movies. All right. I'll need you to sign in. Wait a minute. Where's the police officer who was unguarded at that door? That was ripped off from The Godfather. Yeah, and she was in Kentucky Fried Movie. That's... I must kill him. I don't know what's her name. Yeah. I must kill him. Oh, that is... We use this gag in two and a half. There's lots of lethal linen in our movies. Oh! I forgot about that. So actually some funny stuff in this picture. Good physical, the usual, yeah, it's the old... Crouch in the face. Yeah. Not completely sensitive. Oh, that's Connie Palmisano. Our stuntman, second unit director. Now, this was a surprise for the audiences. Yeah. We'd actually roped John Hausman into doing this. Oh, my god. He became famous for doing everyone's last picture. I think Ethel Merman died shortly after Airplane. Airplane. And John Hausman literally expired after this picture. Yeah. Give it a little gas. I know a shortcut. Turn left here. Now, how do you decide on John Housman as the driving instructor? He heard it was based on Shakespeare's The Tempest. And he wanted in? And he wanted in, yeah. Sounds good. Is it true he auditioned six times? Here's the trick. You don't send these people the script. You just tell them what it is? You say you'll get it to them, you'll get on the pages, and by the time they get there to make up, it's too late. So that's what happened to Bob Costas in Basketball. He was so appalled. It's a version of Ropa Dopa. Did Hausman live to see the movie in the premiere? I don't think so. I don't think so. A lot of physical comedy. Pretty good. Ooh, you could never say that today, could you? Yeah, no, it's politically correct. Politically, yeah, something or other. Ooh, good double take. Ooh, nice work. On an extra. I know. Or is that a... Oh, he's driving. Would have been an extra. May have actually been someone there. Yeah.

Oh, boy, it's a lot of undercranking. How do we let you do that? Yeah, but I think we, you know, one of the motorcycle cops... Is this all permits and closing down streets and highways and stuff? This is, uh... This is very high-tech, literally people throwing debris. Of course, the standard crash into the rocket trailer. Luckily, there was a fireworks factory right where we were filming. This was all for one line. And you got Mark Helgenberg in the crowd. That's my brother-in-law's brother. Now, why are there Chinese guys running out of here? That's when he had nothing. Now, here's the first lonely walk we ever did. Again, in the tradition of film noir detective movies. Every script we put in a lonely walk and it gets cut because they don't mean anything. Except it stayed. Well, actually, we have a tradition of using stuff that was cut out of the movie and subsequent versions of the film or things that were for the trailer that then turned into scenes. Yeah. And hopefully we'll remember some of that and talk about it. We always shoot an elaborate ending to each movie that never makes it. No, that's always rejected. And you never know that it's not going to make it? You never get a sense of it? We always hope for the best and we hope no one will notice, but... It was almost midnight when I got to my door. I just wanted a glass of vodka... Pretty good structure. You talking about the set or...? Do you still see stuff you want to change? I wish I had taken those science courses and gone to medical school. I'll see something, though. That's called the old Texas switch. No, that was, Leslie was behind the chair. Look at that. No, he was behind the chair. That's the switch, you see. Like that. I shouldn't be revealing these secrets. That's called the Texas switch. I feel like I'm backstage with Siegfried and Roy. Do we do enough of these? Oh, there's Crockett behind it. Davy Crockett, which is a... You've now ruined this for me, Bob. I know. Now that I know how it's done. You actually believed those bad wigs? I did. You're late. That depends on what I'm late for. Boy, this has really shut us up, huh? Yeah. Pretty quiet. Nothing like a half-dressed woman cooking beef. Some vague meat reference, I believe. Again, politically... Correct. Was there any kind of sexual tension on the set between any of the actors? No, but between David and myself, there were sparks. I understand. Good thing we're married now. This shirt looks familiar. It's yours. I didn't want to get stained or wrinkled. At least, not yet. Ooh. Do you mind if I slip into something? Was this all at Raleigh? You mean where we shot this? I believe it was.

That was quick. See, in film you can do that. Yeah, that's a time cut. We don't have to actually watch him dress. Is that what that's called? Yeah. I've brought everything. Well then, dig in. Oh, I like this next joke. Hmm, interesting. Almost as interesting as the photographs I saw today. See, this is where we used that original... Boat picture. Yeah. See, everything ties in. ...ship came in, a Panamanian ship. Wasn't on Ludwig's record. Probably an oversight. How is your, um, meat? You be the judge of that. Ooh. I've got nine more. See, look at those. Those reactions are great. This is the Zooka Touch, ladies and gentlemen. complimenting Priscilla there, but. No, but you know how to film. I had enough of sucking on Leslie's fingers. And finally she got the hang of it. Back in a coma. Oh, that's terrible. This world is such a violent place. If it wasn't, I'd be out of a job. Be back on the circuit riding motocross. But I'd give it all up tomorrow to live in a world without crime. That's beautiful. Now you gotta do a balance here of comedy and also romance. And boring stuff. And quite a bit of boring stuff. We had a theory about people needed to get their oxygen back and so forth. This is a break and you used it for romance. Listen. It's a hills and valleys theory. And we owe the theater owners to have times where they can sell popcorn and other stuff. It's like comic movies. After the fifth comic, you get tired. This is a concession break. Understood. And for those who stay, hey, they learn what's happening. It's great. But Leslie's great. He never lets on that it's a comedy. He just... And was unaware we were shooting most of the time. Yeah. He thought this was a rehearsal. But he was terrific. Does he take a lot of takes to get it right? Okay. No, no. No, it's not him, but we do a lot of takes. Yeah, because? Mostly we can't remember which ones are the good ones. You should have somebody write it down, you know. We found out about halfway into this picture that that was somebody's job. Because somebody can't tell you. I think three was good. You know what they do? They put like a circle around the number. Amazing. And then you go back. You know, because we found out in the cutting room that the ones with the circles were pretty good. I heard Coppola did that on Ghostbusters. It worked great. And he did a good job. Was that the second one? Two and a half went much faster after we knew what those damn circles were. I know. There's something I ought to tell you. No. No need to tell me anything. What's in the past... Doesn't matter anyway. Maybe, maybe we're just two lonely souls who have found each other. Funny face. Look at Leslie's profile. It's beautiful in the firelight, isn't it? Yeah. That's a nice shot. No, he had the great nose and the great walk. I love this. She gets naked. These kind of guys work in every language. Is she naked, David, from a directorial standpoint? Do you see her naked at this point and the audience doesn't? No. No, she actually is. She had some underpants on. Actually, she was wearing this tube top thing, which they had this misadjusted in a theater, and so I was actually seeing the top, and I went crazy, because we usually do a thing called a hard mat. And this is the usual giant condom joke. And this was before. She was very uncomfortable having to be in that giant condom. Is that actually Leslie and Priscilla? Yeah, it actually is. And it didn't have to be. Why? It was silly. David's a martinet. He insists on doing it. So somebody could have seen through the... But David, it's my way or the highway. It never occurred to me that... Watch the hot dog. Watch the hot dog guy. He was very good. That's Pat Croft on the right, actually. Look at that hot dog guy. We kept carrying this hot dog cart thinking, oh, we'll just squeeze it into another day. We finally shoot this outside the... Now the drag was, they thought it was real funny to use real mustard. As soon as David yelled cut, of course, I ran for the hose. Now that was a piece of stock footage we got. We just had her to it. That was a lucky... that happened to have the same color here. Lucky my tuchus. This joke was actually based on a scene after my, before his marriage dissolved. Where I went to see Platoon to cheer up. And it worked. This was Peter Noon singing. Was the actual guy from Herman's Hermits? The Herman's Hermits. Oh, you got him into it? We recorded it, yeah. And the most thing, wasn't it amazing he could speak Yiddish? Yeah. Did we ever find out why? He married a Jewish girl. Ah. And I played bass on this. Oh, no, I really mean it. You're very special. Another romantic lull. Yeah. Exactly. Well, again, people are still kind of laughing. Did you wet down the streets for this? I noticed everything's wet. We always wet down the night shots for the reflection of the lights. And, in fact, every movie you can see, for some curious reason... Everything's wet. It's always just rain. But it never rained. Okay, or it's just finished raining. It's always wet down so that it looks better. There was a hedge against it raining. We had an early MTV joke. Oh, this was, yeah. Willow Records. Willow Records. Willow was my nickname. Because in the early days, we used to all have these... Mark's brother's life? Plungo, Checo, Skepto. I was Checo, Jerry was Plungo, Jim was Skepto. Mine was the only one that stuck. There was a lot of testing that went on with the exact makeup that Leslie needed for the... That's right. Big laugh for the pistachios. All through this. Big laughs. Lots of laughs. It was tricky because... They were looking like they were in drag for a while. And this is an illustration of the can-you-live-with-it rule. Also, if the scene doesn't work, you now have guys in red lips for an entire scene. No, that's because we have the can-you-live-with-it rule, which strangely disappears, not after this, but... But if the scene hadn't worked and got laughs, you're still stuck with them during the scene with red lips. Yeah. There's actually a crew guy in the window there somewhere. I see the stack of shells. That's right.

A lot of stuff was cut out of this scene. After testing? Yeah. Actually, we discovered that stuff that took a long time to shoot, was enormously expensive, was not as funny as Nice Beaver, so... Out it went. The cheapest stuff got the biggest laughs. Now, this started off as an homage to Jacques Tati. Jacques Tati, yeah, we had them. And ended up as a critical care patient in the Joe Clinic. This is, yeah, we had to apply the paddles to this scene. Yeah, got to defibrillate this. Oh. It just wasn't working, or you had a lot of relates? Well, there was a whole long buildup of things that were happening and the physical disaster and things that were connected, and the audience was a combination of being ahead of us and not caring. Which is an evil combination. It's a bad... We were destroying a lot of the set, and I don't think destruction is all that funny. No, it's merely destruction. You learned that on... Several movies. What was the one I'm thinking of? The car crash movie? That would be the Blues Brothers, yeah. There were some humorous parts. There were some good parts in that, yeah. The old player piano joke. Yeah. That'll come back. Years to come, people will point to that and say, why?

An excellent musical score by Ira Newborn. Yeah. Steering clear of the jokes, yet conveying the appropriate drama of the scene. Oh, that's right. With music, you have to be very careful about comedy. Bob's his agent, too. Available for bar mitzvahs, weddings. Now, I think you see this joke coming a couple of miles ahead of time. For some. There were some people who were surprised. I think you give people a lot of credit. I think they just watched the movie in the moment. Don't you think? Such as we're doing now. Yes, absolutely. Here's... Now, here we go. We thought this was the start of the greatest comic scene of all time. There was a lot more. There were some laughs, but generally it worked better when Leslie caused distress for other people and not for himself. It happened in two and a half, too. Because there's no jeopardy here. It would have been probably better if he had had him. The jokes lands. It's a lot of destruction, which isn't always... the funniest thing. Trying to save the big painting? Yeah. Well, we kept the goods mostly. Didn't W.C. Fields have a saying? If you want to wreck a hat, make sure it's a dusty one. Was that Fields? Yeah, W.C. Fields said that. Was that Werner Fields? I don't know. We didn't listen. But when you go back to genitals, you're always on safe ground. Big laugh here? Oh, big. Yeah. As soon as we get into the dicks, we're fine. And he's holding on to them for balance? Well, you'll see. I think you're going to like what you see here, but any human functions, bodily functions, pieces of anatomy, whatever we can get away with. Subbrestage, and then... Yeah, this gives you everything. Every human body part. A lot of people think that was just a coincidence. That you just happened to pick that building. Of course. This was based on a trip David made to the food store. She was a good sport. We didn't tell her that was going to happen, did we? No. We wanted to do a real surprise. It was also David's cousin. This took two weeks to shoot. I'll tell you, if we did this movie today, we'd never get the PG-13. No. The thought police that are watching movies today. We'd get an R for erection. I remember having discussions with the design guys about what the exact shape of that appendage should be and what was best for hanging and lifting. Yeah. Cut to the statue's smile. See, he's a little dazed, and that's how we... That's almost a Clockwork Orange homage. It is. It is very good. Thank you. This is Mayor Bradley's office again. This is Nancy Marchand. This is the real Mayor Bradley. This is the real Mayor's office, because we were so cheap. And rather than build a set, we asked the mayor if we could shoot there. Of course, didn't tell him what we were doing. And he was off on a Rainbow Coalition meeting. Yeah, he was doing something. He was at the Sister City in Japan or something. And so we shot there, and I remember that while we were waiting for a setup, David sat back with those little trophies and stuff, where he sat down, not realizing there was this, you know, porcelain thing of Don Quixote with the long lance. So he sits down. I hear this little crack and a snap. He gets up, and I see the thing is completely trashed. So I've got the prop guys trying to glue it together. We put it back on the shelf and ran away. How many days did you tie up? How many days did you tie up the office? This was one day. This was actually one day. In the middle of the park and full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That's my policy. Oh, this scene was taken from Clint Eastwood, from the first Dirty Harry. When taken, you mean an homage? Not the joke. Not like a joke jacking. I think Clint Eastwood was saying, when I see a guy running after people in full view with a knife... We know how to fix that knife. We made it into a nice PG-13 joke.

Here's more Crockett pictures in the back. Oh, is this picture still on? Yeah, that's Sam Houston in the back. Why Crockett pictures? Just because... David has a fixation. I have a fixation on Davy Crockett. Like a fetish or a fixation? Fixation. A fetish would be... Davy Crockett's some object that means that you're making love to him. That's right. A fetish would be Davy Crockett's toes. Let's not go there. Now, here's Ken and Bob. This is your friend Ken. This is my old radio partner. Yeah, your old radio partner. Ken, not Bob. And this is actually a... This is about my refrigerator.

We actually had a little further exposition in case you didn't remember what the plot was about. It was about four miles ago. You used the radio to cheat it, correct? Oh, look at that. That's the Zuckertage. Nice space picture there. Thanks, Dave. Was that one of yours, Bob? I think it got snuck up there. I think there's something you should know. I was up in Vincent Ludberg's place last night. Oh, how nice. Did he show you his priceless collection of Ming vases and all those rare oil paintings? And what about that wonderful... I think that Vincent Ludwig was involved in a number of... Again, there was some laughter at that point. No, it's a compelling... There you go. That's pretty funny. Big laugh. Isn't this the part in the second act where you can go have a drink or something? This was another concession break. Yeah. I'm sorry. I'm worried about you. I don't trust you. But there was a very good, faint, you know, physical thing coming up. It's coming up right now. We're in the famous pass-out scene that she does not notice at all. Oh, yes. Done in the background. Now, it's good to put some jokes in the background, because if you draw too much attention to them, you can be held accountable. Or you can be disappointed. Exactly. He's such a gentleman. He's so generous. He just wants to have a talk with you and clear up any doubts that you might have about him. Wham. Now that scene I would have done differently. How would you have done that differently? It would have been good. Yeah, not have him make that face when he comes up. Really, just come up, get into focus, and then have her turn around. Play it more deadpan. Yeah, play it more deadpan. Always better when he wasn't. Ah, I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow. It wasn't Leslie's fault. We probably should have shot more than one of them, though. We shot, that was the least, that was most under the top one. That's why we used that one. Oh really, he made bigger facial reactions? Oh yeah, he was much bigger. As big as all outdoors. Because you wanted him to, or? Now here's the one, this is the scene that Bobby Stevens lit, and it actually looks like an interior. Yeah, this is a location that we made look like a stage. Which takes a lot of doing, by the way. We were out there freezing, and it took us off, and it looks completely fake. How long did it take him to light that so it could look fake? A couple weeks. We had a big canasta game while he was... It does look like a set. It looks like a set. It looks like from Batman 3 or something. Big expense. How many trucks did we take out there? We were lighting for a... Now, did you know that immediately when you saw Daley's? Location directors, yeah. This is the one where the guy cut down the tree. No, that was bad. You cut down a tree? We should save that for number two, because it's on the theme. All right, but listen for that, because it's a tragedy. Now, here's a lot of stuff was cut out of this. There's actually the scene, you know, where they get nauseous during the fight. Right. There was a huge scene shot with, like, torrents of puke. It was really great, like Monty Python over-the-top hyper-puking that we loved. And when we started previewing the picture, we didn't have great scores. I'm not talking about our personal life. I'm talking about the scores that we received. You're not talking about Ira Newborn. No, no, it's not the music either. People didn't like the throwing up. So it's done. The scene's done. Well, no, guys liked it. Oh, women didn't like it. Women didn't like it. We cut the puking down. Women liked it better. Score shot up. We went to the bank. And you took out all the puking. Yeah. There's no puking. It's a very short scene now. It's a short scene. Barely in there. So that was like minutes longer with puking. Way longer. The concept was... Now look at that. Is that not a great rendition of the Queen's face? If you get in a fight in a rendering plant, you're not only in that horrible putrid smell, but you're getting slugged in the stomach. Do you remember when we shot that, Leslie's hearing aid fell in the vat of crap and no one would go in after it? Was there a vat of crap? There was a huge vat of crap that was making them sick. Well, it was movie crap. Movie crap, but his hearing aid fell in there. It did fall in there. Now here we have black suit and black gun. Not a great... Well, this was also an area where we kind of told everyone what would happen. And then we realized that wasn't good because then why bother watching the rest of the movie? That's right. So we cut that out. It actually took three or four pictures before we got the hang of that. Yeah. So all done and a master. Pretty good. All done and a master. No time for coverage. Yeah, no coverage. Was that intentional? You knew that going in? Not a chance. And they're cutting the queen's face. It had to be good, one cake. How many cakes? The rest of them looked like Jimmy Durante. The backup cakes were no good, huh? I'm so excited to be here. I really do appreciate it. She had such horrible choices of men. Each movie, she'd be with a different villain. Now, we shot this, remember, in a hotel in Pasadena that was condemned because of some quake? Oh, yeah. Which is why we got it for a good price. It was gambling, but what the heck. It could have fallen down at any moment? Yes, but... Oh, and this is where there was supposed to be, you were supposed to be able to see the eye. There was an eye on the cake. Yes, and that was supposed to be a joke. It upset David for days. Because it didn't show. At least through the dailies. You couldn't see the joke. Isn't that when I threw my glasses at the screen? You threw your glasses. This is too much to ask to see the jokes. No one ever responded to that, obviously. They rolled in an IV stand, hooked him up, and he was better in about ten minutes. Yeah, we have enough jokes to surround it, to cover it. Now, the background is all your family members, David? Yeah, that's... It was an actual function that was going on. It actually happened to be, yeah, my cousin Aaron's bar mitzvah was going on at the time. But Mr. Ludwig said you call a meeting off. Believe me, I... Pub me another one, schnooky lumps. Frank, it's the truth. It's true what they say, cops and women don't mix. It's like eating a spoonful of Drano. Sure, it'll clean you out, but it'll leave you hollow inside. Too bad, Sugarpuff. We could have been something. Now, do you get to take stuff home after the movie wraps? Uh, not really. That would be theft. Oh. Just our good memories. Okay. But I heard that they, uh, for Houseman, they actually buried him in his... They did. There was a special... Special waiver. He was buried in that cardigan sweater. By the way, I faked every orgasm. Oh, funny face.

The city of Los Angeles is proud to present to the royal family this Revolutionary War musket, generously donated by Mr... Wasn't that actually your piece? That looks like... I have one like that now. But that's just personal protection. I own so many guns. You do own muskets, but they're all muskets that don't name right. They're all antique muskets. Somebody breaks into your house, you shoot the guy next to him. Yeah. Now, this was tricky. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy, you still remember how painful, right? Yeah. Oh. Maybe a little shaky cam, correct? From his perspective. Yes, it shows how disoriented he is, and us. And there's Leslie, and, yeah. Who was the queen, by the way? It really was the queen. I see. What was her name? Janet, the queen look-alike lady. And remember, she bailed out in the middle. She said, I'm going home. I've got a garden show. I promised I'd show up. Yeah. Yeah, wait a minute. We had to pay her more money. Look how realistic those papers look. And he's in a different position. Oh, you see Al? Big Al must have had a line that we cut out. You see him in the edge there? Oh, he was just standing there? Yeah. With no bit. With no bit, so it means... We had something in that didn't make out. What we try to do is leave the jokes in and take the actors out. Take the actors out, exactly. Well, what's he use? What good are these damn... Oh, here he is. I guess we did use him. This is my favorite joke. Frank. Jane. I've been looking all over for you. Oh, we did cut him off. What are you doing here? Running another errand for your boyfriend? I tried to call you last night. I even went by your place. Where were you? Without walking. Oh, so this marks, this scene marks the end of the second act. How do you know that? Because... The small sign on the set that says it. How do you know that, David? How do you know that? This is where she says they're going to be at the baseball game, and then that marks the start of the third act. Launches them into the third act, which is the baseball game? Yeah. And that's the whole third act, the baseball game to the end? Yeah. What have you got? I overheard Ludwig. I couldn't think of anything else. Ludwig is planning to have someone assassinate the queen. Where? At the baseball game. Yes, here. She gets out the whole story. Which drives him to the baseball stadium. We want to be plain about these things. These movies have to work for the heart of thinking. Clean and easy. Exactly. We may not get awards, but they sure are funny. In fact, don't we think of our pictures as Oscar-free? Yeah, everyone an Oscar-free production. That's what you used to say. This is going to get you back on the force, Frank. We're all right behind you. Frank. For everybody. Cheap wallaces. This is that right before the third act, the declaration of love. The big I love you? Yeah. So am I. Hurray! This was an amalgamation of stadiums. We shot inside Dodger Stadium, outside Angel Stadium. That's Wrigley Field. Stock footage from Wrigley Field. Yeah, and there's a football stadium, I think, that we used. This is all part of the magic of movie making. Hello, everybody. I'm Kurt Gowdy, along with Jim Palmer, Tim McCarver, Dick Vitale. And these are all people that Williams has once cared about. Mel Allen, his last movie. Yeah, that was a big... Another one. Wasn't that a big budget for one joke? Also buried in a dress. Big budget for one joke, correct? You had to get all those people? Well, some jokes are worth the bucks. Yeah. You have to have the courage to spend. Complete bullshit. Now, some of these scenes of Leslie and George we did on the Paramount lot later. With people just... People behind him. A section behind him and a section... You'll see that some of them were pretty close on... george and leslie and the the background is out of focus well and we shot some and actually we were down at city hall and we shot some in the exterior with the crowd behind oh that's right yeah how many extras did you use for this 20. but really huge extras i don't think we ever had more than 100. When we made this picture, I remember the studio said, you will never get real baseball teams. No one's done it. You'll never, which is all I have to hear. And we actually made a deal. We got the Angels and the Mariners. Because the Mariners were nothing then. They made us take the Mariners. To get the Angels, we had to take the expansion team. Did you have to pay for the team, or is it promotional for them? Well, they actually gave us, I don't know, like 200 season tickets to the Mariners game, which is the equivalent at the time of 20 cents, or worth 20 cents. But we gave them away to charity. We wanted to use the Brewers, and they wouldn't let us. Go figure. But we were able to use real teams, because otherwise you'd have to make up fake teams and... That would take a whole level of reality away, which, as you know, is so important to this picture. I do not wait for him. He waits for me. And I don't know why Pavrotti wouldn't do this. But you asked. We asked. Yes? Mr. Palaccio? Si. I am the head usher. Ah. I'm here to tell. Excuse me. And here's Jeff Wright. Jeff Wright was on our team. Yeah, on our team. Shortstop. Did the scripts every day. Mr. Palazzo? Yeah. We love you, Jeff. Now, that was footage or your extras? I'm not talking. You don't want to break that wall. Right. Now, here you... This is actually Leslie, I remember. Yes, and there's a huge Matt shot coming up. That would be a trick photography shot. That makes it look like that's it. That's not really a stand. That's not really... No. Where was he shot? It's actually David's backyard. It's painted in. See the cameras adding to the... Yeah. I think Leslie was trying to sing the best he could. Yeah, when we prerecorded this, the ellipses, he just said, do it the best you can. That's how it came out. That's a shot. Paramount or City Hall, we made that. With a blurry background. Mostly it's Al and George. Of course, there is no... scoreboard like that at the time at Dodger Stadium. So that was all faked in too? All faked in. Yeah. Well, that's like the diamond vision that's at Dodger Stadium. Right, but there was none at Angel Stadium. Angel Stadium doesn't have a squiggly roof either. You notice there's no children. Nobody under the age of, you know. And why is that? Because... It would... It costs too much? Am I making this up? Oh, they have to be here? I'm buying it. They're there too long, so... You can only work a limited number of hours. So you'd have half-empty stands. I think it had to do also with the sexual content. And you'd have a lawsuit. Exactly. Just like we're going to have when this DVD comes out. Yeah, so we get some humans with short hands. This was a big coup getting all these guys. It's hard to believe they were all out of work at this time. Today's ball game.

This was later, Robert De Niro stole this and used it for the untouchables. And everywhere we could, we took an angel emblem. Yeah, exactly. In case you didn't know, that was... And that's stock footage. That's footage from 68. From some football from yet another stadium. That's a match shot. That is a match shot. Those bleachers were not filled. And these are real. Oh, good catch. Now here, this we shot. That's real. That actually happened. That actually happened. And so did this. Whoops. Sorry, fellas. That guy was very good. We didn't give him full credit, but he was very good. What would full credit have been? That was Joe. You would have said thanks. That was Joe Vervasi. Oh. A small parade. Now this is also a real thing. Yeah. That happened at a Tigers game. Oh, stop the tape. Good night, everybody. Stop the tape. Try the veal. Whoa, how did they do it? Yeah. Dick Enberg, looking good, huh? Yeah. How hard was it to get them to do comedy? It was impossible, as you can tell. Sometimes you have to tell them, you know, Lift this eyebrow, yeah. Where was that contractor joke? That was also based on a life experience of yours, wasn't it? Yeah, I had been dealing with some very crooked contractors on my house, and so I got them back here. Not in that scene. Dick Vitale, I think he had lines, but they were cut. Right. It looked like he was about to speak there. You could barely see the wire on that one. That's Ernie Banks' son. That's Kevin Pollock. Well, we're ready for the start of today's ball game, and I'm sure that group of lovely ladies would agree. Well, they ought to. Those are the players' wives on hand to enjoy the game with us today. Didn't Palmer, wasn't he doing underwear ads and stuff? He was a sexy guy, yeah. Oh, you remember? Oh, yeah. Larry Tierney. Lawrence Tierney, who is a very colorful character. You can read about him in Hollywood Babylon. Is he in that? He's got a history, does he? Oh, he's got a history. He's been in jail, you know, a few times. Notorious. Big. How shall we say? Lived large. Yeah, lived large. But he was very believable as a baseball manager. He was. Did he have dialogue? Now, see here, every shot that you see... I don't think you let him talk. We had more dialogue than we kept in the movie. See, wives spitting. Now it's Jay Johnstone. You said men like the throwing up scene, but not women. Did women like the spitting scene? The little spitting was okay. It was so quick. Everyone likes spitting. That's a Paramount shot. That's made elsewhere. And then you can see, we would shoot with a long lens and just fill up those bleachers behind there. Every shot you see, if there's a corner of people, that's all the people we had there that day. He was an actual Dodger, wasn't he? Was he the second baseman? Jay Johnstone was on the team, I think, that won everything. He's the jokester. He was the jokester guy on the Dodgers. That joke we got from Mel Brooks. Thanks. He sold it to you, like, for 50 bucks? He had no idea. I called him up about something, and I... I told him what we were doing. I was asking him something else. And he said, oh, you got to do, you should have him when he swings, hit the guy. Thank you, sir. Yeah, thank you. Very nice of him. See, they're waiting for him to make the call. Yeah. This is my nephews, Jeremy and Ben Breslow. This was their favorite joke. And so when they were 10 or 11, they would go around doing that. Sign? That sign. Well, it's coming up.

We have to wait for this pitch. That guy's name in his uniform is Spiewak. I guess that was my friend in high school. Spiewak. Yeah. I don't know if you ever saw that. Yeah, that's what they would do. Now Drebin's getting into it.

That's a stunt dancer. Great situation because he was wearing a mask. Couldn't ask for one. Yeah. So Leslie's on vacation during the shooting of this. Yeah. Didn't even know where he was. Most people don't know this song was written for this movie. We wanted him to write an original song. Didn't we meet with Randy Newman? And what did he say? He said no. There isn't enough money. Use I Love L.A. Yeah. Yeah, he said use I Love L.A. That wasn't inexpensive. Well, we actually tried other songs and they didn't work. Was this expensive to use? It was. Because this was a hit right then, wasn't it? This was a big song. And then later they used it in Mr. Bean. It was cheaper then. Well, yeah. You see that shot? That was made at night. Oh, yeah. Remember we ran out of time. We'd go overhead and then we would just shoot at night. So you don't have to show any sides. Exactly. because there just wasn't enough time in the day to shoot everything. Oh, it took you so long to do everything. And so Bobby would flood their home plate with light and make it look like a set. Six guys just go by. How long did it take to film this movie? Three months. They all took three months. Right on schedule? Yeah, essentially. Yeah. Give or take a month. But, you know, what is the saying? Nobody asks... If you went over budget, if the movie is a hit, or I don't know. Probably not the same. Let me tell you, that's not true. Yeah, Bob didn't work for years after this. Yeah, exactly. After which? Yeah, the movie's a hit. Ah, another semaphore joke. Never miss with those. Yeah. Another night shot. This is what I'd call off-message to Dave. Oh, a corking the bat reference for your true love. Yeah, nobody got this.

This is the multiple hand joke. Yeah. He just kept putting stuff in his hand. I don't know what this has to do with anything. People enjoying the game. Cheap attempt at humor. McQueen doing the wave. Yeah, everybody loved this. The Curly Howard school of third base management. Yet another Three Stooges. Yeah, but the song really makes this whole bit happen. Don't you think? We were lucky. Don't even have to look at the camera. They're looking everywhere else. Everyone's looking at something different. Yeah. That's plot. There's plot for you, Peter. Big plot. It's clear. We know what's going on. Don't let them get the third eye. Remind the audience. They have their marching orders. Now, we don't know who the killer is at this point. Not a clue. See that? But that's real pitching. That was a real curveball, wasn't it? Usually in baseball movies, they just do... We had real guys. Remember, I slid the plate at... Dodger Stadium, that boy, the wall looked far away, didn't it? Yeah. It looked so easy to hit a home run. And we all had those huge cell phones. I know, they're like big bricks. Like World War II with those big clunkers. Little did we know we were irradiating our heads. And reading the dark now. Head is gone. This is it. This would be the out, huh? Catch it. Catch it!

Remember they tried to build some baseball launcher thing? The ex-German rocket scientists we had in the effects department. That thing never worked. Probably just threw them up in the air. Is that the one we labeled the pigeon shooter? The pigeon shooter, yeah. That scared some people. They thought we were actually going to shoot pigeons with it. Those were the days, huh? Oh, you remember this? We rehearsed this. Well, do you remember we came in with all the dailies for this and the editor said, what's a rundown? Oh, yeah. It's like, uh-oh. I like that editor. Yeah. I know this is hard to believe, but apparently the umpires have got Crescione in a rundown. Who's Crescione? Is that another one of your high school people? No, I think that was... I don't know who that was. Your name's all friends? One of the wardrobe people's friends. Or was it the accountant or somebody? Yeah, Tony Crescione. No, this is... People probably don't remember the famous Billy Martin incident. How old is this movie? I don't know. Was this in the 60s? I don't even remember. Nobody in baseball wears any of these uniforms anymore. I'm not sure they wore them when we did it. Well, that's Joe West, who's an actual American League umpire. The guy on the left. It's the third out. There's the big guy with no lines again. Exactly. That's the way we like him. Now this would be Reggie Jackson? Oh, you ruined the reveal. I'm sorry. I hope they can slip better. Oh, jeez. Slip better. Moving back. You can back that one up. How hard to get Reggie? Was he expensive? Actually, you know, in our movies we make the poster and all the stars are in little boxes at the bottom. And we put a little thing under each box, like, you know, the mayor, she ruled the city, the way she made love with an iron fist. And under Reggie's box we put he made $50,000 for four days work. And he was pissed because it was true. Well, I think his manager wasn't happy about it. He didn't care. Are you sure? I'm pretty sure. I asked you once again, Mr. Zucker. Reggie's a great guy. He was a lot of fun to meet with. He was great to talk to. He used to talk about, you know, because I asked him what it would feel like to be Reggie Jackson. He said he loved to walk out of the dugout. and he could feel the other dugout tremble. When he walked, it was palpable. They were trembling when he walked to the play. There was so much time just to hang out while they would light the set and do whatever they do. While you were looking for your script. Trying to figure out the next shot. Yeah, Reggie helped me look for my script. We got autographed baseballs from everyone, including Ernie Banks. Now, did you build a stand, or are these all people on each other? That's... I don't know. Like a human pyramid. That's an actual pile. yeah but you see reggie actually did that kind of the robot he picked it up in no time lombardo it's a relative look at the arms on that guy jeez yeah i must kill your queen

That's a lot of fancy cutting. When the fat lady falls. You know, we never shot it. This was never meant to be that funny. This was a big laugh when the stunt lady fell. The umpire. He saved the queen's life. That's not the umpire, your honor. Hey! It's Enrico Palazzo! See a little misdirection, funny joke, you know? Right, that's farce. That's the kind of thing. It's farce. The beginnings of farce. It takes some thought. As opposed to whatever we do. It takes no thought. This is the old dummy up the stairs. Really, that's a dummy? You weren't supposed to know. You were not meant to know. That's not Ricardo either.

You notice these shots are only a certain size. I don't even know if that was Leslie. I think he lost interest at this time. Well, after 3 o'clock. He went to the club or wherever he went. I know. You ruined my life, Devin. Now I'm going to ruin yours. Leave the girl alone. I am. I'm going to kill you. I see. Now this next gag was from the show. The police squad. Yes.

Now watch how realistic this is. He killed him. No, no. He just stunned. He'll be all right in a couple of minutes. Lo and behold. Yeah, how... Wow. Leslie was the best, I think. You see how wrinkled his chest protector is? I had fun shooting this. Oh, yeah. This is another Bob Weiss. Steamrollers. Because David went home to have drinks. He didn't want to do it. If he wasn't talking, he wasn't interested. Really? If it wasn't actors, then you bring in the stunt director. I was on a publicity tour, and we went to Arizona, to Phoenix, or wherever ASU was, and we were showing the movie, and the crowd started booing and stuff. Because of the band. At this point, it's a USC band. USC, yeah. I had no idea. They went crazy. Bob, is David a prima donna director? A complete pain in the ass. Yeah, well. But, you know? He gets results. I get the results. No matter how many actors I have to beat up. Oh. Oh. Uh-oh, it's not over yet. One last twist. This is the Zucker touch I've been talking about. Very cleverly written. Who did we get to do that? I wrote it. Oh, sorry. Of course. I must kill Frank Drebin. Those guys are frozen waiting for someone to say action, I think. Jane. Jane. Cleverly clearing the frame there on the left. See, now that chest protector was all wrinkled from a gag that was cut out. What was the gag? The chest protector. When he shot him. And it made a big farting sound as it deflated. But no one cared, so that went out. No laugh. I thought you said farting is a laugh. Well. I guess we revised that. It's not always a laugh. Without you, I wouldn't want to live anyway. Some big time serious acting. I finally found someone I can love. Good, clean love. What happened to the hair in that one? Oh, she's distressed. They gave her a funny haircut. Well, plus, you remember it was windy up there. Oh. And the combination was brutal. It doesn't really look like a backdrop, though. You can't tell. It's another one. Our location looks complete fake. Here it is. Dew glistening on a newly formed leaf. Stoplights. I must kiss. Jane, this morning. See, now this is real hard here. It's not very much, but pretty good for an honest policeman's salary. He's shaking it like the catch a glint, hoping for some glint on a piece of glass. Making sure she'd notice it. Yeah. I... I love you, Jane. It's a sweet moment. How did the audiences react? They were out of the theater by this time. Nauseous. They were mostly nauseous. They were gone. So you're in your car, you're on your way home talking about it. But people listen to it on the way home, like the Dodger games. Yeah, exactly, on their way out. Turn it in. It's brought everybody together. Again, I think this is another hallmark of your work. Yeah. Robin Williams played the rapper. I saw a movie recently that did the same gag. It was just... It was this. It was on HBO. Yeah. No. I was wrong about you. Nice happy upending. Now, you know, the last gag in here is this O.J. thing, but originally there was a whole musical number of Take Me Out to the Ball Game that was shot. You shot the whole thing? Shot the whole thing. Nobody cared. It wasn't funny. So basically we said, what's the last joke in the picture? Let's go back to that and roll the credits. So you test audiences saw it and just nothing. Nothing. The big laugh was O.J. over the rail. I should be on my bean and as good as new in a week. Little do we know years later how much funnier it'd get. Whoa! Come, Frank. Everyone should have a friend like you. It's another background. Big O.J. joke. Giant laugh, and out. Yeah, and then we're out. So you've got another hour and a half of film, basically, in the can from this movie. Easily. Well, it's actually in the television, when they showed on free television. They fill it with all that hamburger helper that we put out. Who came up with this signature funny ending stuff, you know, putting... putting credits in that people sat in the audience and waited for. That we did in, was that in Kentucky Fried Movie? Or we started in an airplane. I don't remember, Senator. I think we could have started in an airplane. Did you realize people were going to sit in the theater and wait to see this? No, we just did it for yourselves. The hell with them. We didn't care. Well, that was your attitude with the whole movie. But this is a good idea. This is the first time we actually put the, you know, these guys that have one-liners, we actually put the one-lines in. We put their whole line. Because otherwise you have to put girl number three or the guy on the corner. You killed him, Jane Corris. There's John Kreshman. Yeah. Carol Collegian, I sold her my car. What kind of car? It was a Volvo. Still running? No, it didn't run then. see her next week and she told me i could oh yeah something tells me i'm into something

Mr. Weiss's divorce. That was my actual divorce attorney. She got a lot of work out of that. Was she good? Was she very good? She was very good. Did she get you what you wanted? My ex-wife got every penny. You were a nice guy. Was there a clause in there that you couldn't say anything about? Till now. Till now. Till the DVD. They can't do it till the DVD commentary. What happened to all your assistants? Does anybody keep track of them? It always says, Mr. Zucker's assistant. See, there's Tony Crescione, the assistant production auditor. So that's where we got all those names. Anybody go on to great things from here? No, including us. Nobody. See, there's your directing crackpot. Right, right. We didn't do any of the talking stuff. Not that we can talk about. Aren't we done yet? Do we have to still do this? Well, there might be something funny that needs a footnote. No, this is pretty much not funny. Why'd you have Peter Noonan re-record this instead of using the original? You would have to pay the hermits? Because we actually wanted it faster. The original song was too slow. Are you buying that? No, I had no idea. I don't know. I couldn't remember the reason why we recorded it. It's the best I could come up with on short notice. I think this is a better recording. The Alamo Society. That begins to explain some of the...

Oh, funny music. It was just funny music at the end. Well, it was the end of the picture. We usually did a little scene at the end. Well, I've got to go. Now, turn the DVD over. I've got to go to the bathroom. And you can hear the rest of the commentary, and I think we'll all go.